"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."
- C.S. Lewis
It's never easy to make changes, especially changes to everything you've ever known. But that's what we do when we make the decision to follow Christ and accept the gift He offers us when we do, we are making a decision that can't be taken lightly. This is, or should be, life changing.
Life changing. Doesn't that mean something has to be different? I never understood this concept until recently.
Recently, like days ago recently, I had the experience of a lifetime that I knew I was needing. Some of us choose to follow God and don't truly realize what we're choosing to do. We've just made the decision to be outcasts of this world, different than those around us and often misunderstood. We have chosen to be devoted to something a lot of people don't understand. I always heard the words "Set apart" and "In not of" but never really grasped the concept, I always thought "I'm a good Christian, I pray and I go on mission trips and I try to be good and loyal and I go to church every Sunday!" but I always knew that something wasn't totally complete in me.
When it hit me, it hit me like a punch. I was standing in a crowd of people worshiping God, everyone so caught up in it that they weren't concerned with how they looked, what they sounded like, where they were even. But here I was...standing there, looking around me and thinking of how silly people looked while I was fighting off the urge to join right in with them. I kept feeling my stomach tighten and my chest sink in and it was making me jerk forward slightly but I was fighting it will all my might because I didn't want to make a scene and look foolish. That's when I heard God tell me (and yes, HEARD is the right word) "You are too proud. Now get on your knees!"
I've seen people fall to the ground a million time on tv "overcome by the Spirit of God" they say...well I can tell you now, that it's the truth. When God's Spirit moves, you either follow easy or you go down hard. It felt like someone very big and tall put their hands on my shoulders and pushed down, I had no choice but to get on the ground. The tears came, then uncontrollable contractions of my midsection and chest that I'm sure made me look like I was having a minor seizure, and there was no stopping the shivering. I shivered so hard my teeth began to chatter and when I opened my mouth, what came out wasn't English and it wasn't any language I've ever heard. What the heck just happened? Did I just "speak in tongues"!?
When the shivering and jerking finally calmed, I felt exhausted and mentally empty. As I knelt there with my head hung down I heard a much softer voice tell me "Now that you've been humbled, feel free to stand in My Presence." and I stood, feeling more clarity than I've ever felt in my life. I was overcome with one desire and one desire only: worship. So I joined in, dancing and shouting and jumping and singing out as loud as I could, forgetting that there were people probably looking at me...I just didn't care about anything else.
People call this "being baptized in the Holy Spirit" but I don't believe I gained the Spirit then, I believe I simply gave up the desire to hold back His power that I already had. When you surrender to Him, you find Him in a whole new and powerful way, His Spirit now has your attention and you now see what it means to have it. "Speaking in tongues" is really no mystery either, it's simply the result of being so overwhelmed by God that when you try to speak to Him or about Him it's impossible to form words that suffice, so instead of words something only God can understand comes out and He is honored even if we can't understand what we're trying to say.
That night, I felt love pour over me and fill me up to the point it overflowed and there was NOTHING I wanted more than to tell people I loved them and I had a new fire inside to go home and love my husband in a way I knew I could only do with God's power, selflessly put him before me, understand his need for his own time without complaining, cleaning the house because I know it's important to him, do everything with positivity and encourage him as much as possible!
Trying to show people love is just the first step in a long journey towards becoming more like Christ everyday. Cleaning up my language, making time everyday for God, praying often, finding a home church, focusing on where God has placed me at this time...all these things I am trying to do are just stepping stone on a path that can only lead to better things ahead.
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